The Yorkshire Atheist

Flying Spaghetti Monster’s Eight Commandments (I’d Rather You Didn’t’s)

1. I’d Really rather you didn’t act like a sanctimonious holier-than-thou ass when describing my noodly goodness. If some people don’t believe in me, that’s okay. Really, i’m not that vain. Besides, this isn’t about them so don’t change the subject.

2. I’d Really rather you didn’t use my existence as a means to oppress, subjugate, punish, eviscerate, and/or, you know, be mean to others. I don’t require sacrifices, and purity is for drinking water, not people.

3. I’d Really rather you didn’t judge people for the way they look, or how they dress, or the way they talk, or, well, just play nice, okay? Oh, and get this through you thick heads: woman=person, man=person. Samey-samey. One is not better than the other, unless we’re talking about fashion and i’m sorry, but i gave that to women and some guys who know the difference between teal and fuchsia.

4. I’d Really rather you didn’t indulge in conduct that offends yourself, or your willing, consenting partner of legal age and mental maturity. As for anyone who might object, i think the expression is go fuck yourself, unless they find that offensive in which case they can turn off the tv for once and go for a walk for a change.

5. I’d Really rather you didn’t challenge the bigoted, misogynist, hateful ideas of others on an empty stomach. Eat, then go after the bullshit.

6. I’d Really rather you didn’t build multi-million-dollar churches/temples/mosques/shrines to my noodly goodness when the money could be better spent (take your pick): a. Ending poverty b. Curing diseases c. Living in peace, loving with passion, and lowering the cost of cable. I might be a complex carbohydrate omniscient being, but i enjoy the simple things in life. I ought to know. I am the creator.

7. I’d Really rather you didn’t go around telling people i talk to you. You’re not that interesting. Get over yourself. And i told you to love your fellow man, can’t you take a hint?

8. I’d Really rather you didn’t do unto others as you would have them do unto you if you are into, um, stuff that uses alot of leather/lubrication/las vegas. If the other person is into it however (pursuant to #4), then have at it, take pictures. And for the love of me, wear a condom! Honestly it’s a piece of rubber, if i didn’t want it to feel good when you did it i would have added spikes, or something.

Now those are some commandments I am happy to follow.

Well That’s Just Silly!

source: venganza.org

I have begun to notice a trend occurring recently, whether it be intentional or not I am unsure. It seems to be that whenever I bring up the concept of the flying spaghetti monster, invisible pink unicorns or Bertrand’s teapot as a hypothetical to show that it is impossible to prove a negative, I keep getting the response “well that’s just silly!”. Are these people really so stupid that they missed the point entirely or is this just an attempt to derail the conversation?

To the theists out there WE KNOW IT IS SILLY! We do not genuinely believe in any of these things, we are merely using it as an allegory for God(s) to show that it is impossible to prove something doesn’t exist. In an attempt to combat this I started using Odin, Zeus, Osiris, Mithras, etc instead but I still tend to get the same response, usually with the added “of course they don’t exist”. My question then becomes how can you be so certain they don’t exist, you don’t have any evidence; unfortunately this quickly becomes a circular argument with references to the bible stating that Yahweh is the only god, and the continual demand that anything else is silly.

Unfortunately the only exit from this conversation I can see is to point out that I don’t believe in their deity (and find it equally silly) just as they don’t believe in others, and once they realise why they don’t believe in Odin they might come to understand why I don’t believe in Yahweh.

That being said; blessed be his noodly appendage

RAmen